Kono Oto Tomare [Chapter 80 - Alone]

While practicing with his makeshift koto, Michi recalls what Natsu said. “—but, you still don’t play well. Whether or not you do your best, you always don’t play well. *listening to Satowa’s recorded music* If you are aware that you are dragging everyone down, then do not let emotions affect your decision again. Isn’t it good to simplify the musical score?”

In the club room, flustered Sane looks at his cellphone. Kouta asks if Michi still hasn’t answered. Sane says that it would be better to say that he isn’t even looking at it. “Darn. Is that guy okay...” [<- internet chatroom wherein one can see if the message is read or not.] Takezou and others looks worried.

Takezou recalls Michi apologizing for dragging everyone behind. Takezou thinks that it is his fault because he totally wasn’t able to help Michi. “Obviously, I have seriously considered Sakai’s situation and formulated a way of practice, what else should I do to help him [where am I lacking]...”

Satowa recalls Natsu asking what can verbal encouragement change. She also recalls telling Michi to use the recorded music if he doesn’t mind. “That is totally not enough.

...In the end, didn’t I also say, ‘and afterwards, you go and do your best’? Compared to everyone else, I obviously spent a longer time in playing the koto. Obviously, I should still have some other way of helping him.”

Her thoughts are interrupted when Chika played a note. This surprised everyone. Kouta then tells Sane that in short, it is useless to be anxious like this. “We’ll just go and properly talk with Michi during lunch break.” Sane agrees. Atsumu looks teared up as he watches everyone glumly prepare their koto.

In the classroom, Natsu notices Atsumu standing in front of his desk. Atsumu tells him that Michi didn’t answer back their messages. Natsu asks what’s the use of telling that to him. “Do you want me to apologize for saying those things yesterday?” On the verge of tears, Atsumu says to have such an indifferent face.

Natsu asks, indifferent face? Atsumu says that Natsu obviously doesn’t properly go to the club and even if it is like that, he can still play well but... “Michi-senpai is really serious. You didn’t properly see through that... So, Momoya-kun can calmly say that kind of words!”

With that, Atsumu goes to sit on his seat. After a pause, Natsu mutters, “Who didn’t properly see it. *Atsumu looks up and says huh* It’s nothing.” Atsumu looks surprised.

During lunch break, Sane and others immediately went to section 2-A. They didn’t find Michi around and assumes that he went to the toilet. Tetsuki asks if his bag is still there. Kouta says that it isn’t. Worried Sane asks Michi’s classmate if Michi [<-they use the surname] came to school today.

Classmate A doesn’t know who Michi is. Classmate B doesn’t know either and do they have someone like that. This surprises Sane and Kouta. Classmate A calls out to classmate C and asks if he knows a certain Michi. Classmate C says, “Ah isn’t that the pink haired fatty loner!” Sane and others are stunned by that description.

At home, Michi has broken a string on his make-shift koto. He says that it broke again and he also used this for a long time already. “Where did I put the koto string... *looks at the clock and it is 3:40pm* ...it’s... almost time for club practice...

He he, this is the first time I had skipped school during high school. But, I’m not Chika. I simply used class time for practice. *opens drawer* Taking advantage of class time, I should have sufficient practice. Afterwards, it will be perfect as I only have to go and practice on the real koto.

...Like this, the musical score will be kept at its current form. And together... with everyone.” Soon, it is raining. He thinks that this is bad, he has to buy some stuff first before fetching Hana.

Taking the umbrella and going out, Michi tells himself not to think too much again. “I cannot be depressed. I can still do my best. I still can [do it].” After going out of the store, Michi notices some schoolmates. He lowers his head as he passes by them.

He thinks that’s right, students who don’t have club activities are currently going home from school. “This is no good... [<- Someone might tell the school that he skipped class = not sick] ...but, even if I bump into a classmate, there won’t be anyone who’ll pay attention to someone like me. In school, the only place where I fit in is---” There is an image of the koto club members.

Then, he notices a male student in Tokize uniform approaching him. He thinks, it is another... He looks surprised since it is Natsu who is also surprised to see him.

Michi wonders why of all people at this time... Michi asks if he is going to work. Natsu says yes and he is absent today, right? This embarrassed Michi. While looking down, Michi says that household work at home has piled up.

“I’m sorry about yesterday!! I always felt that I caused the mood to become very stiff! It is like what you said, Momoya. I always make the same mistake. But, today I properly practiced for a long time at home. It ought to be a bit decent! *looks at Natsu and gives him a thumbs up* So, I wonder if next time should I take advantage of class time again or not...”

Michi’s expression froze when Natsu asks if he is that unwilling to simplify the musical score. Michi asks how come he is still saying that, do not-- Natsu asks if for him, this is such an embarrassing thing.

Michi bites his lip and wonders why this guy... Michi says that it isn’t some embarrassing thing. “And even if it isn’t... *trembling while on the verge of tears* I definitely am not willing to do that...

Everyone are giving their utmost effort and I’ll be the only one who’ll effortlessly play a simple one. I definitely would be super unhappy about it.”

Natsu says that considering Michi’s situation, he thinks that it is inevitable and-- Michi interrupts by shouting that if it is inevitable then don’t mind him!!!

After a pause, Michi says of course, Natsu doesn’t know. “We had really put in our utmost effort to get this opportunity to be in the Nationals. We’ve experienced all sorts of things and also frustrating things. We gone through things wherein we cannot hope to win and even, some other kind of type of things.

...Even if it is like that, everyday, as a group, we practice like idiots from morning to night. Always, everyone together. *lots of flashbacks* Always really,  really put in one’s utmost best.

Sniff-- *crying* For us to come here today, and I’ll be the only one who isn’t doing one’s utmost best, that is something that I definitely am not willing to do... Can’t I let my emotions affect my decisions...”

“This is the first time I’m seriously doing my best. This is indeed the time when I wanted to do my best the most. How come... How come you who can join the Nationals when you have just entered the club and can still play well even if you don’t participate in the club, say those words, that it is okay to just simplify the musical score? Why would you say those words!!!”

With that, he runs off. Natsu’s expression isn’t shown. Narration: “---really awful. Really awful. Recklessly getting angry at a kouhai who is telling the truth. Crying and screaming like a kid. *recalls Natsu asking why he doesn’t want to simply the musical score* –but, I’m really frustrated.”

Michi arrives home to see his younger brothers quarreling over whose fault it is. Michi glumly says that they’re back and what are they quarreling about now. The two nervously says this...

Michi sees that they have destroyed his make-shift koto. As he quietly holds it, Momo exclaims that Aki pushed him. Aki shouts that Momo did it first. They are nervous since Michi isn’t reacting. Narration: “...ah ah, it always feels...” His cellphone rings. “Hello.”

The other party says, “Ah, Sakai-kun, I finally reached you! It is like this. Just now, Hana-chan vomited and it seems that she has a fever. Can you fetch her earlier? Your mother isn’t around now, right? Just to be sure, it is best to go to the hospital to have her checked-” Michi says okay, okay.

After hanging up. Michi slouches and covers his face on his arms. His younger brothers timidly ask, brother...? Narration: “Why. Why. Why. Why. What’s up with this. Terrible. No good. I’m no good anymore. Who’ll come. Will someone come...” Ding dong. Ding Dong. Michi says coming, and he opens the door. He is surprised to see Tetsuki who says, “Yo.”

Comment: A depressing chapter but there’s hope at the end ^^ It is emphasized how much of a loner Michi is without the others. He is practically non-existent to his classmates. Perhaps, if it weren’t for this incident, his friends wouldn’t have realized it.

Takezou and Satowa are going on some guilt trip for not helping enough. I think most of them have that in varying degrees but they have already done what they can do. Chika probably knows this and just focuses on practicing. In a way, by playing at that time, he pretty much told them what they can/should do for now.

I start to wonder if Atsumu and Michi’s ‘jealousy’ of what Natsu can do and berating him for being so indifferent will start to somehow affect him. In a way, he is indeed pointing things out realistically but the others do not want to accept and face it. The truth is quite brutal. I won’t be surprised if quitting the club or something has crossed his mind again.

Somehow, in the end, Natsu will probably learn what’s special with this group by how they will help Michi. They do have this ‘no one will be left out’ stance. Even if it is idealistic and everything, they were able to make some seemingly impossible things possible.

Hm...thinking of it, for Michi, part of it seems to be not wanting to be left out. Everyone are doing their best and he isn’t. He is kind of ‘left out’ and that is probably a feeling that he doesn’t want to experience with this group. He wants to be ‘in’ with the group will all their experiences.

So, when everything is falling apart, help has finally arrived. Perhaps, just like what I’m thinking before, Tetsuki will help with some of the chores to lighten Michi’s load so that he can have more practice time. And for the younger brothers to see Michi like that, perhaps, they’ll behave more. Scans from 诺大王 of baidu.

Word of the day:

There is light at the end of every tunnel; the sun returns after every storm. ‘For our light affliction, which is for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and external weight of glory (2 Corinthians 4:17)’ ~ Mottos for Success by M.S. Fontaine