July 4, 2018

Kasane [Chapter 122 - Still An Empty Shell]

[Free Talk: According to this post in baidu, Kono Oto Tomare readers, there is no chapter for this month since the mangaka took an unexpected? break. The comments mention about the mangaka’s health so maybe she isn’t feeling well.]

All dressed-up Kasane nervously looks at the mirror then she looks down. She quickly goes out of the house and sees a couple of women talking outside. The women look surprised at her. Kasane nods to acknowledge them then she turns to leave.

One of the women says that she [Kasane] usually just nods at them as a greeting...did she [other woman] talk with her [Kasane]? The other woman says no, and she always felt that she [Kasane] is a very terrifying person, isn’t she?

Soon, Kasane felt uneasy while riding in the crowded train. She takes a deep breath when she got out of the [suffocating] train. She bumps into someone so she quickly apologizes. Along with the other passers-by, the man stare at her. He clicks his tongue and goes on his way. Kasane just stand there as the other people go about their way.
Kasane arrives at the theater. She slips up her name card [for attendance] and heads to the studio. During practice, Iku narrates her lines, “Yoi, Yoi, thou art truly stupid. Unexpectedly, refusing my radiance.”

Kasane starts to say her lines, “Ake... Ake, Ake, thou art truly hateful...thou do not know a thing...” Worried Kingo tells Kasane to stop because no one can hear her voice... Iku looks surprised while the others are muttering among themselves.

Kasane apologizes and says, please let her try it one more time. Kingo says no, the two leads and the other actors will separate from each other in their reading of the lines. “After one hour, let us practice as a whole again, okay?”
While Kingo is talking with the other actors, Kasane and Iku are reading their lines together. Iku notices how frustrated and tense Kasane is. Iku tries to cheer her up by saying that there is still plenty of time for the rehearsal so take her time.

“You still aren’t used to using your own real appearance in acting, right? ...besides, you’re not the only one who is troubled. No matter how I acted, I still cannot get rid of Saki’s ‘Ake’. I definitely cannot act out that kind of shocking feeling. So, we are facing the same problem. Let us search together our ‘Ake’ and ‘Yoi’...”
Kasane suddenly shouts that she’s noisy to death!!! This surprises Kingo, Iku and the others. Kasane says, “Ah...no...sorr...” This made an actor angrily shout, “Hey! Be a bit tactful!! Obviously you are holding everyone back!!” Kingo shouts for Takatsu [guesswork from 高津] to calm down a bit.

Scowling Takatsu says, “Then again, why did you set up that kind of actress as the lead!!” A woman says, “That’s right, let us not first talk about whether she can act or not, don’t you feel making this child act out the ‘ugly witch’...is a bit pitiful?”

Someone agrees with her. Takatsu [probably] says, “Furthermore, compared to ‘Ake’, instead to ‘Yoi’, it is more obvious that this play is making one feel that something is wrong [/fishy going on].”
Kingo shouts for them to stop talking and concentrate on their own roles! “That’s enough, everyone back to your positions!!” Iku tells Kasane not to mind what the others say, and she [Kasane] only has to bring out her real strength...

Kasane interrupts her and says that she knows that Iku is treating and facing her sincerely. “But, for me, your kindness...is simply like poison. Even if you are involved in this, I’m really sorry but please just concentrate on your own role from now on. Apart from this, you cannot help me.” Iku just looks surprised as she couldn’t say anything.

At her apartment, Kasane is busy reading her lines. Narration: “Earlier on, I already know the lines thoroughly in my heart, Not only ‘Yoi’, I remember all of the actors [lines]. *throws the script on the mirror* Voice and body are already ready. There is no anomaly at all.”
“I simply don’t know... if I should use Nina’s lovely and moving lips, if I should use Saki’s cool and elegant eyes... How should I smile, What kind of eye expression should I use, I do not need to ponder on this since I can just naturally express it out...
...But right now, how should I move this twisted facial muscle and stitched up skin? What kind of image am I in front of the audience? This is actually quite scary that I basically won’t dare imagine it---”

Kasane is surprised that the spotlight is flashed on her. On the stage, she is shocked to find herself in front of the audience. They all start to shout, “Die! Die! Die!” Trembling and teary-eyed Kasane shouts, “No...Don’t! Don’t say it anymore...”
Kasane becomes her younger self. She sees a figure wearing high heels. She calls out, mama... She looks at the backstage but no one is there. The audience continue to shout, “Die! Die! Die!” Stretching out her hand, Kasane says, “I don’t want...this... Who’ll come...and save...”

Ding Dong. Kasane opens her eyes wide. Sweating from her nightmare, Kasane hears knocks and someone calling out, “Hey--” Putting a robe on, Kasane opens the door and calls out to Kingo. Kingo says, “Yo. ...For that kind of thing to happen yesterday, I’m guessing that you probably don’t want to come today. So, I’m here to drag you out.”

Kasane is speechless then she shouts why he is going inside the house. Kingo tells her that there’s no need to receive him [/treat him with something to drink/eat as a guest]. Sitting down by the table, he tells her he’ll drive her over [to the studio] so quickly fix herself up.
Kasane scowls and exclaims what’s up with him. She goes to the toilet and slams the door close. Kingo quietly looks at the room. Kasane stands in front of the sink. The mirror in front of her is covered with a cloth. Kasane comes out and takes a coat from the rack.

She is looking down as she cannot barely look at herself on the mirror. Kingo calls out, “Hey, look [at it] again a bit more seriously!” About to put on her coat, Kasane asks, huh? She is shocked when he suddenly puts his hand on her head and shouts, “Quit dillydallying!” He puts his other hand on Kasane’s shoulder and pushes her down. Kasane shouts, “Hey! What are you doing...”

Making her face the mirror, Kingo asks, “Can you see it? Can you see the ‘witch’s figure? Because of her ugliness, the witch was deprived of everything when she was born. She has no friends, no family and she also cannot obtain love.”
“Despised by everyone and had lived a lifetime of solitude. *pulls up one side of Kasane’s mouth as he presses down her head* The her like this can only lament at the world and the people to end this life, right? No— She’s afraid of being hated. Fierce, showing one’s fangs, angrily staring at everything from the bottomless abyss. Just like you for a long time now.”

Looking at her angry expression, Kasane asks if her ‘anger’ is like this in the eyes of everyone? Letting go of her mouth, Kingo says, yes. “Yesterday, too. Whether angry or happy, no matter who you are, you generally won’t see your own image at that time.”

“But, as an actress you must look. Because your looks, your body and your voice are all your acting stage props. –at the same time, I, as the director... it is a thing I need to focus attention on. I’m not looking at that dead woman (imagination) rather, using flesh and blood to look at this living you (reality).”
Comment: Kasane is obviously struggling with normalizing her life. It doesn’t help that she couldn’t look at herself on the mirror which is a step on accepting and loving herself. She still fears what and how people thinks of her.

Ironically, she is lashing out her frustration on someone who is being kind to her. ^^; Hm...perhaps, she isn’t use to people being kind to her? ^^;; So, perhaps, she’ll pull herself together after Kingo ‘roughed’ her up a bit and give her that talk.

From what Kingo is saying, it seems that Kasane’s subconscious attitude/aura towards others is putting others off. In a way, Kasane has this invisible wall set-up to also protect herself which ironically puts a distance between her and others especially those who aren’t as nice and understanding like Iku.

It makes me wonder if in the end, the goal is for Kasane to revert back to how she was when she was young. The time when she isn’t filled with anger and hatred which probably made her mother to eventually love her. Anyway, Kingo is now fulfilling Izana’s last request. ^^ Scans by 网易汉化

Quote of the day:
The face is the mirror of the mind, and eyes without speaking confess the secrets of the heart. ~ St. Jerome

20 comments:

  1. Thank you a lot!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for translating these! I look forward to them. This manga is so great.

    Sometimes when people have had a hard life where others have been unkind or hurtful, it makes it hard for them to trust others' intentions. Up to downright rejecting others when they are trying to be kind, because it is either painful or they cannot know the true intent (is it pity? is it friendship? is acknowledging it to be weak?)

    It is hard to look into a mirror when you once felt beautiful and now see the ugliness.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading and yup ^-^

      Indeed and after getting used to that for such a long time, it won't be easy to 'break that wall'.

      Yup.

      Delete
  3. Thanks for the Translation Kat!^^

    And what did I say she still rejects herself well it's a little bit hard though accepting yourself because now you believe everything is a lie but was it really a lie? Did she really return to her "Aikewa" and found out about Sukeyo? Does she know who was supposed to be Izana's Ake? And what was her second goal for which she wanted to use the lipstick for?

    "But, actually, whether it is Habuta-san, Fuchi Sugeyo, Kaidou Nagi, they are willing to face the ugly you squarely, but you simply didn’t respond to their gaze." from chapter 121 oh Kasane you weren't there and sadly all three people had their own difficulties in facing her squarely stop comparing your Mother to that wretched old hag Mineyo please you still don't know enough about her....

    Well as for the thing with Iku she knows she is right she know's where both can find their Ake and Yoi but she's worried about taking that risk that she might find out the abyss that she wanted to be never existed that she never really met the real Sukeyo up until that point and that she could lose Iku! She actually wants her to take a different approach but is afraid of saying it!^^

    But I like the callbacks to the older chapters so far (that chapter 2 callback in the previous one but this time with her real face) and that instead of separating Kasane from Iku he encourages her to go to her and face her and finally he begins to see the woman he never met by taking Fujihara's kind approach!^^

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for reading, Jack ^-^

      'And what was her second goal for which she wanted to use the lipstick for?' - Kasane?

      I'm not sure about the other two, but I assume that Sugeyo faced her squarely.

      Hehe...I'm getting confused with the 'she'. Is it Iku or Kasane? ^^;;

      True.

      Delete
    2. Well isn't it obvious^^ look at Nogiku out of all the people she slept with she still choose the ugly one Amagasaki! Why? And why did Ichika, Iku with a wig on and Uno have similarities to a certain someone? And then there is her stage fright that actually tells us what she really searches for and a certain someone has her own stage fright dream in the same place and chapter 107 both dreams merge! And as I already mentioned her persona might be buried in Kasane heart but it's still there!^^

      Well that's what she still hasn't found out!

      Kasane! And well Kasane err's again because this time Iku know's Amagasaki!^^

      Delete
    3. Hehe...well, it seems Kasane...then it seems not @_@;

      Ah, because he did her bidding? They fell in love with each other?

      I see.

      Delete
    4. My theory is that Sukeyo would have played Ake to Izana's Yoi... so what was one of her biggest regrets? That she couldn't sum up the strength to stay with Izana on the stage together way way earlier leaving her all alone? She know's about Kasane's goal through Izana and that Kasane has the lipstick so why should she not give her this as a goal? And then kiss her...^^

      Having Nogiku in Amagasaki's life made him reflect he began to see his own mirror in Nogiku this is why he gradually took a liking to her her burning scar was just the final realization for him.

      Seriously Matsuraa give us a meeting between Iku and Amagasaki where they discuss their own pasts and talk about how they could help the sisters!

      Delete
    5. Hm...I always thought that Sugeyo isn't interested in acting since she preferred costume designing. You mean, Sugeyo teaching Kasane how to use the lipstick?

      Reflection of the hatred and desire for revenge, right?

      I get the impression that the mangaka wants the sisters to resolve this on their own...more or less.

      Delete
    6. Well my take is Sugeyo is trained by Izana for one last final play as they are hiding out Izana knows how she ticks since she spended a whole year watching how she plays she knows her strengths and weaknesses. Then after things died down they would with help of Kingo and the Shiraito theater troupe play Ake and Yoi retiring the "Sugeyo Fuchi" persona they created for good! Yes Izana explained it to Kasane and Sugeyo demonstrated it to her that's what I think!

      Yup pretty much he began to question what he was doing and if it was really worth it.

      Yes they have to but they should not do it completly on their own Izana and Sugeyo tried this apparantly and it backfired on them. Remember what Fujihara said relying on no one isn't necesseraly strength but the flipside of weakness.

      Delete
    7. Ah, I see. Still, how would they be able to convince Atae to allow them to do that play? Especially since he doesn't want Sugeyo outside...I mean, either one always have to be in the house.

      Ah..okay.

      Delete
    8. Not Atae but Kingo. Umm both of them escape when he's gone Izana just stay's behind with Nogiku in order to not arouse suspicion and in the meantime destroy some of Nagi's documents about the hibeni production....

      Well looks like the next chapter is out (here the link http://netabare.io/?p=116984) and as I suspected Iku took a different approach and Uno was among the crowd during the play! Well I hope Kasane does what her mother couldn't but adoptive mother could (but for the wrong reasons T.T) letting someone she "loved" go. And it looks like Nogiku is about to meet someone...

      Delete
    9. Yes, how can Atae allow them to do that play...go outside...both women. I don't think he'll risk it since he can be put in jail for 'imprisonment'. Hm...Nagi's documents about the hibeni production...they're not important anymore, right?

      Hopefully so. Ya...for closure with Nina.

      Delete
    10. Who knows 'bout the documents? We still have to see...

      I hope she manages it and Iku helps her get through with it fingers crossed!

      Delete
    11. Ya...though the series will end at chapter 125. So, I'm thinking they're no longer important.

      Yup ^^

      Delete
    12. they wanna end it? really?!

      Delete
    13. Hmm if that is the case I at least would want some closing words from the real Sukeyo to her daughters then. And the third novel of course!^^

      Delete