The janitress says that he also thinks that way but then,
she came here for five days already... Sitting by the balcony, Kasane recites
her lines, ‘...We, shooting stars, always believe that it is a kind of honor
that we can beautifully sparkle until we die...
...But in such a dark ground, if I were to lose this
radiance...what kind of life would I have lived [/no purpose]--’ Then, a boy
playing soccer with his friends below glance up to Kasane. Kasane become tense
upon seeing him that she quickly closes the balcony door.
The boy’s friend asks him what’s up. The boy says that just
now, there is a woman who looks like a monster over there!! The friend says,
monster!? Then he laughs. Kasane tightly hugs herself. After moping some more,
Kasane stands up. Later, she leaves the inn with her luggage as the innkeeper
thanks her patronage.
Kasane walks through the forest. Narration: “I already don’t
know anymore. The ugly me doesn’t have any value of existing but even if I have
a beautiful outer appearance--” She leaves her luggage by the tree and
continues on walking. She looks up the starless night sky.
Narration: “As ‘Saki’, I attended the rehearsals during the
day. After returning home, when I’m all alone, I’ll sit by the window side
crying every night. From the start, I didn’t know why I’m crying. Perhaps, the
truth is I obviously knew but I pretended not to know...
...While living as beautiful ‘Saki’, I should pass the days quite
happily but not long after, the feeling of pain also followed. No matter as an
actress or as a person, Saki’s assessment is becoming higher and higher. All
the more I have this feeling of who is that far distant person.”
Kasane is looking at Saki and wonders why. “Obviously I’m
the one who is standing and acting on the stage--” Scene changes to crying
shooting star Saki looking stunned over the people applauding. “Afterwards, I
cannot help but think, this applause, who is it for--”
Nina whispers to Kasane, “In the end, you are just a fake.
No matter what identity, whether you are deeply loved or recognized[/praised
because of your appearance], all of those things do not exist for you. No one
can see you! No one knows you!”
Narration: “Nina... it is as you said. Then...who am I?”
There is a scene of Nogiku saying that she isn’t human but simply a monster...
Kasane trips over a tree root and falls down. She drops her flashlight.
She mutters, “Yes... Nogiku. I am a monster. Habuta-san, I
cannot become the actress that you hoped for. Uno-san, we obviously deeply
loved each other BUT YOU HAD NEVER SEEN MY FACE.”
Kasane is kneeling by the cliff. The moon is already
hovering above the night sky. Kasane turns around and says, “...mama...we
basically shouldn’t have been born. No matter what superficial fabrication we
use to cover our appearance, the innate ugliness doesn’t change at all...
...*scene of Izana with the burning house behind her with
the words ‘slaughter’ and ‘plunder’* This kind of greed will make me want [everything]
like an ordinary person. *stands at the cliff with her shoes and flashlight put
at the side*...
...No, compared to an ordinary person, I want something more
radiant... *looks down to the sea waves below* It would be better to end it
all. Because ...‘No matter what this body changes into, it is a fact that I am
still me...
...*teary eyed as she looks at the shining moon reflecting
on the dark sea* this won't ever change..!!” Then, she prepares to jump.
Narration: “That time, in a span of few seconds...no, it is possible that a
second hasn’t passed, my past memories of acting passed by like a slide
projector [/running-horse lantern]—
Ah ah, that sound coming from the depths of my body
[/heart]. Every single movement, a scowl, a smile, a look, one after another
had become words [/language]. Whether it is the performers or the audience,
they can jointly feel the life of the character role (other person) existing...
...Whether it is happiness or pain, whether it is real or
fiction, the stage (that place) has everything. Even so much that it is a
dreamland that no one has not yet experienced [/seen]! I...
...*recalls Iku tearfully asking, ‘Is it only up to that
kind of degree!? For you, is acting [/drama] really that kind of thing which
you can casually give up on!!* For me, acting is...!” Kasane recalls that
fateful day when she and her mother clung on the log that is drifting on the
raging river.
Izana tearfully told her, “Kasane-chan, no matter what
happens, you definitely have to live on. Afterwards...” Izana continues to say
something to young Kasane who looked surprised. End flashback. Kasane’s eyes
are wide open. She looks towards the horizon. Narration: “In the midst of
darkness, the reason why one should live, glimmer weakly.”
Comment: I like
this chapter. From the start, I always have an impression that her mother is
some sort of evil mother/ghost always pressuring her and everything but here, she
has given Kasane the reason to live which is what Kasane needed at this time.
In this point in her life, Kasane still has no one that she
has sunk so low to the point of wanting to end it all. Apparently, she is all
confused that she doesn’t know who she is or rather, after everything, she
isn’t recognized for herself but rather, the persona she was acting out.
Thankfully, she didn’t jump yet when all that flashbacks
came running through her which made her remember why she really love theater
acting. And of course, she finally recalled what her mother said before she
passed away. So, aside from telling her to live on, did her mother tell her
about the permanent switch? Scans by RAD汉化组
Quote of the day:
When you hit rock bottom, you have nowhere to go but up. ~ Pattie
Mallette
Thank you for the translation. But I'm sorry I didn't quite understand, did Kasane found a reason to why she likes to act or the question remained unanswered?
ReplyDeleteThanks for reading, Sua ^-^
DeleteI think she had partially found the reason based on what she was thinking before the flashback. In a way, it is like 'feeling alive/she existed' while in the stage as she made the character 'alive'.