...The me, before I had encountered her--- Even if I modeled ‘the past me’ [as Giovanni], I also couldn’t act out that kind of feeling to the point of not having any courage to go on stage anymore.” Flashback: At the dressing room, the director informed Iku that he is going to change the lead actress because she can no longer do.
“Even if you go up on stage, you basically couldn’t move...” Iku told him to wait and she’ll think of a way... The director said that he had heard of that so many times already. He sighed and said, “Listen up. Even if it is already inevitable that there are a lot of audience during the first day of performance but if we really wait for you, this play cannot be acted out already!
...Besides, honestly speaking...your acting skill is too disappointing..” This shocked Iku. She overheard someone sighing behind her. “It isn’t just that, there seems to be that needle-like glare. *people behind her are whispering and making side glances at her* ...I already understand. I’m the only one who is always giving everyone trouble. Holding them back. I’m the only one. Compared to everyone else, the disappointing one.”
Iku started to run fast. She caught her breath at a pedestrian bridge. She muttered that she definitely made a mistake about something when she boldly entered into this world. “The one whom everyone is anticipating is obviously not me. *crying* Rather, it is ‘Giovanni’. From that day on, I would always stay in the house. For so many weeks...so many months...
...*scene of Iku lying on the bed with blank eyes* Except for stage play, I don’t have anything else. I also do not have any other things that I wanted to do.” Ding dong. Iku’s friend came and gave her a couple of tickets to the play, ‘Salome’. “I heard that it is good. Consider it as an occasional change of mood, okay...? Lately, you’re always staying in the house, right?”
Narration: “A friend tried her best to persuade me. It has been such a long time since I went to the theater. *gloomily sat to watch Salome with her friend* Anyway, no matter how outstanding this play is, I’ll also just seem become more and more wretched...* Always, until that time, even if I think that way at that time--”
Iku is mesmerized by Nina’s performance as Salome. She thought, “Why? I... Even if I’m in the depths of self-inferiority but my heart is beating so fast... My whole body is trembling. My blood is boiling. *watched Salome looked at a bloodied head on the plate and she trembled as she held it and cried* Yes, it’s like Salome wanting John’s head, and it is close to madness---”
With tears in her eyes, Iku muttered that she wanted to act in a stage play... Narration: “I had unexpectedly forgotten about the me who was always trapped in my ‘past self’. I want to act in a stage play because I had once again recalled it. So, I once again pull myself together even if I have failed in the audition so many times, but...
...It’s alright...I can still continue!! I always believe that I can get an important role. Then, I’ll have a brand new path. *got the Ophelia role* Currently, I had come here like that.” End flashback. Iku watches with everyone Saki’s performance. She wonders, “But, why would I think of Saki-san as ‘Tanazawa Nina’...” Lying down on stage, Saki in her role asks, ‘What had happened? Ah...so heavy. So dark...
...*tense and scared* It’s like I’m covered with something...is it liquid? *looks up* That blue globe cut out from the sky. Could it be that is... the universe [/sky]? Did heaven and earth reversed? No, it isn’t. This is in the water... It’s the spring that I was just overlooking from the universe [/sky] with my eyes...!
...*trying to get up* I...I had fallen [/dropped]. Why is it so dark... The light...? It always envelopes around me from the time I was born, *nervously looks at her hand* that twinkling starlight.” Clap. Yoshio says that’s good and it seems that she can really see gravity [that is pushing her down]. Saki glances at him. She stands up and thanks him for his compliment.
Iku thinks that she’s so amazing. “Such a terrifying expressive ability... She really makes one cannot imagine that this is just the second day of practice... *gets down from stage* besides, obviously her acting is so full of tension yet her voice is always so resonant. This person is filled with a profound unseen talent.”
Iku is surprised when Saki looks at her. Yoshida says okay, it’s Iku’s turn. Snapping out of it, Iku says, ye..yes. She thinks, “The ‘Giovanni’ who stopped her footsteps, ‘Tanazawa Nina’ who got her to pull herself together. Afterwards, it is...Saki-san. *tensely passes by Saki who glances at her from behind* There is always someone standing in front of me...
...Besides, two female lead acting alternately, even if one doesn’t want to think about it, but one would definitely compare the acting, right. *bites her lips* But this is also okay. It is also okay even if I cannot reach heaven in a single bound [/get instant success]. I’ll use the current me to advance forward step by step.” Saki closely watches Iku who stands on stage and recites her lines, “Light is I. I am light...”
Chapter 87 – Planetarium. Throwing the long strips of cloth around, Iku continues to recite her lines, “A (fixed) star far above, all living things [/people] on the ground, look. Look at me. *glances at the side with a blank eyes* Look at this life!” As Iku continues to act, Saki and Yoshio notice something about her.
With a dark cloth on the floor, Iku looks at her hands and says, ‘...Light? It always envelopes around me starting from the time I was born, *nervously looks at her hand* that twinkling starlight!?” She notices some people with cloth over their heads saying, “So noisy. So noisy.” Iku calls out who they are. The people replies, “We are the sludge [/soil]. Do not disturb the tranquil water bed.”
Iku shouts for them not to come near her. A guy in suspenders says that it is really unexpected for that child’s acting to have this unexpected boldness. The other guy says, but, it feels a bit... Frowning with folded arms, Yoshio says, ...ya. Clap. Yoshio calls out to Iku. This surprises Iku that she wonders where did she made a mistake.
Yoshio asks, “Iku, are you imitating ‘someone’?” This shocks Iku. After a pause, Iku nervously asks why...why he would say so. Yoshio says that no matter whose acting she wants to use as reference or she wants to tap into her fundamental unknown strong points, it is not a bad thing at all. “But, it is also unnecessary for you to totally negate your past self.” This surprises Iku.
She nervously wonders, ‘your past self’...she doesn’t know who her [/Iku]’ at what time’ is he talking about. “But, what’s important is ‘the current me right now’. *tightly holds the cloth* I definitely cannot become that ‘Giovanni past self’---”
Yoshio asks if there is no problem. Iku nervously says no, there is no problem. Saki looks quiet and surprised by all this. After practice, the guy in suspenders calls out to Iku. Iku recalls that he is Adachi, the guy in charge of the lighting. Adachi says that it seems everyone went for a drink so does she know where the place is.
Iku apologizes and says that she wants to stay and practice more for a while. Adachi is surprised. Frowning Yoshio quietly looks at her. Just when Saki is leaving, Yoshio calls out to her and says that there is a favor he wants to ask of her. Saki later says, “---you want me to go and invite Igarashi-san?”
Yoshio yes, the two of them go somewhere together. “You two are playing the same role so go and talk together. You’ll also probably learn something new.” Later on, Saki quietly stands from the corner as Iku practices by herself on the stage. Then, she calls out to Iku and says that she wants to talk with her. “Do you have time this Sunday?”
On Sunday, while the two are walking together, Iku nervously thinks that if Saki wants to talk then, there’s no way for her to decline but what should she do since she totally doesn’t know what she should say. “It feels that Saki-san is a bit scary... She is also very beautiful today.”
After looking at a brochure, Saki points out and says, “Ah. It’s here already. The planetarium.” Inside the planetarium, Iku says that it feels like a theater. Looking up, Saki says, yes. “It is a place where one can ENJOY AND ADMIRE A FAKE ILLUSION [/THING].”
Iku just tensely glances at her. The narrator says, “...this is an area of the starry sky at around 8 o’ clock at night. In order to see more stars, one has to go at a higher place that is above sea level.” Iku thinks that it is amazing for it is like the real universe.
“That’s right. Sagittarius. Hercules. Arcturus. Cassiopeia. *scene when young Iku and Kasane were pointing to the starry sky* Antares. M23. Spica. I remembered. It is also like that night. The stars’ light caused the night appear like daytime [that we can see each other’s faces]...
...*glances at the side* ...huh? *sees tears falling down from Saki’s eye* On that ceramic skin, it falls down like a shooting star--- *Iku looks surprised* That is indeed too beautiful and then, there’s this indescribably scary feeling [for some reason] that I cannot stop myself from looking away.”
After the show, Saki says that it is really so beautiful. Iku agrees. Then, she mentions that just now Saki cried while watching the stars. This puzzles Saki. She asks if she cried when she totally didn’t notice it. “How strange. I’m sorry if I made you worry...” Iku says that it is fine.
“The starry sky is indeed so beautiful that it makes one want to cry. It is definitely like that!” Saki quietly looks at smiling Iku. She says, “...but honestly speaking, I don’t really like a sky filled with stars. Compared to numerous twinkling stars, I like a pitch dark night sky with only one star...
...*blank eyes* ...I feel that kind of scene is very beautiful [/enchanting]. It is probably because I want to grab that star even if it is impossible. *looks at Iku* So, it makes me feel very sad [/pained] thinking that in that sky, there are so many stars that I wanted to grab yet I’m unable to... It doesn’t quite fit [/suit] me.”
Iku quietly looks at the sky. Saki smiles and says, “But, you’re really fit a sky that is filled with stars. It is very beautiful with you below the starry sky. You also make the starry sky more beautiful. It’s also the same on the stage.” Thinking over what Saki said, Iku thinks that during practice, did she properly consider the other actors and the staff?
“This kind of ‘it is okay as long as I don’t make a mistake’ way of thinking, when did it started? The past me is before the ‘Giovanni’. Even if my acting isn’t that good but regarding the people standing with me on stage, I’ll be considerate [/diligent] compared to anything else...
...*She recalled when she happily talked with the other actors in the play. Then, she remembers Yoshio telling her that it isn’t necessary for her to negate all of her past self* It turns out that is what it meant. Besides...I actually don’t have a lot of self-confidence and I overly minded [/worried about] Saki-san. I always think that I must be like her or even Giovanni and Nina, that kind of acting role that has the greatest presence [/existentialism] but...
...*she thanks Saki and says that it is great that she was able to talk with her today* The starry sky that we gaze isn’t the same but it’s also okay that it isn’t the same, right? Starting tomorrow, I’ll properly look at the surrounding stars [everyone] and properly act and communicate with them.”
That night, Kasane sits by the window in her house. She recalls Iku asking why she cried. With dark eyes, Kasane mutters, “...Who knows. That kind of thing doesn’t matter. In the end, I’m still not good in dealing with you [/you’re annoying, Igarashi Iku].”
Comment: The ‘loop acting’ effect on Iku’s acting career is interesting. Even if for her, they are different people but it is both Kasane who destroyed and build her up again without either one knowing about it. It kind of shows that Kasane’s acting can be destructive at times yet inspiring at times. Of course, it is damaging if Kasane ‘took over’ one’s face.
It is great though that Iku is determined to go back on stage after what happened and start all over again. So, it is thanks to Kasane, Iku remembered how she was before the Giovanni incident and will do better compared to how she is currently doing.
Yoshio did notice that she is shutting herself in when it is important to build camaraderie with everyone else who is involved in the play. After all, it takes all of them to make the play a success. I think that deep down, Kasane must be thinking, why me when Yoshio asked that favor. ^^;
Nevertheless, it is interesting that Kasane cried while watching those stars. Did she also unconsciously remember that night? Or, it is due to something else? It makes me think that she hasn’t totally thrown away her good side even if she appears cold and everything in front of others after Nogiku betrayed her.
Also, did she choose for them to go there specifically because of the play’s theme or it is because she knew Iku and this will enable for her to connect what she told Iku later on about the starry night? Kasane’s last line, does it meant she couldn’t be totally cold towards Iku especially when she is nice to her, or she acts differently when she’s with Iku? Scans by RAD汉化组.
Word of the day:
You shine best when you are being yourself, not trying or pretending to be someone else. ‘Let each one remain in the same calling in which he was called. I Corinthians 7:20’ ~ 101 mottos for success by J. Richards and M.S. Fontaine.