Kimi ni Todoke [Chapter 94]

On the way to school, Chizuru lends Ayane a music CD to cheer her up. Then, Ayane says that perhaps current Chizuru’s misgivings towards Ryou are the misgivings that she brought about in Kent [/she caused Kent to feel]. Chizuru asks what she meant by that. Ayane says that she wishes that Chizuru would do her best for herself, or perhaps, she won’t be a hindrance-type because Ryu definitely doesn’t think that way. “You like him, right. I think that is definitely enough so Chizuru doesn’t have a ‘this is horrible’ kind of thinking. They were interrupted by Sawako. After some good mornings, Sawako says that she always thought that it is good that Ayane and Kent are going steady. She sighed in relief that Kent let her go since obviously Ayane has her own complicated feelings. She apologizes to Ayane. Ayane thanks her for worrying about her and apologizes for making her cry. She says that Sawako didn’t do anything wrong, it is her [Ayane] choice when she decided to go steady with Kent. Ayane admits that Kent did make her feel a lot relaxed. Ayane narrates that she always put the blame on others, always avoiding responsibility, feeling that her luck is bad and the fault lies with those whom she had gone steady before. She would cunningly want to leave everything, escape and only thinks of not getting herself hurt. End narration. Kent has also arrived in school. His fangirls are doing their usual chat but Kent snaps at them. Upon seeing that, Shouta looks surprised.

While Pin is checking the attendance, Ayane narrates that because as a person, she is a failure so guys who look at [/falls for] her are also not a good person. She cannot truly like those guys and it is impossible for them to truly like her. After class, Shouta calls out to Kent. Kent shouts that it is nothing and immediately left. Shouta mutters that he still hasn’t say anything. When Kent bumps into Ayane at the door, Kent quickly leaves. Ayane narrates that she thinks that these ‘she hurting others’ and ‘others hurting her’ are all annoying to death but Kent isn’t the same and he didn’t do anything wrong. In the empty classroom, Sawako and Chizuru are talking to Kent about the preparations for the school festival but Kent is ignoring them. Chizuru starts asking if Kent can see them. Then, she and Sawako are asking if it is like in Doraemon’s stone hat. [<- wear it and makes one feel like a stone] This made Kent say that he can see them. Chizuru is irritated over Kent’s lack of enthusiasm which Kent denies. Sawako even tries to cheer him up with some candy. This made Kent snap that he isn’t in the mood for that. Chizuru tells Kent not to vent his anger on Sawako. Kent start saying that they had heard about it from Ayane for they are her good friends, it’s alright, there’s no need to be apprehensive towards him. Chizuru grumbles that she isn’t apprehensive about him and it is just he doesn’t properly do his work. The girls clarify that Ayane didn’t voluntarily tell them about it, they were the ones who asked about it. Kent says, ya, perhaps, for Ayane, it is something not worthy enough to talking about to others.

While Sawako tries to call Kent’s attention, Kent kept on being sarcastic that their relationship with Ayane is good but not with him, and as they heard it, Ayane basically didn’t like him. Sawako becomes silent that Kent laugh it off by saying that he is expecting her to say, ‘it isn’t so’. Chizuru says who cares about him for it is something about the two of them so the two of them should resolve it. Kent continues to laugh it off that it is true.. Then he suddenly becomes serious. He says Ayane’s mind doesn’t have him whereas for him, she is always number one because he likes her. Chizuru says that Ayane isn’t the same so it is inevitable that she doesn’t think of him. Kent agrees and even right now, she probably doesn’t care about him and he’s the only one depressed. Kent’s smile freezes when Sawako calls him, ‘Miura-kun’ instead of ‘master/teacher’. Sawako tells him that it isn’t so for Ayane is also depressed. Puzzled Kent asks why when he should be the one who should be depressed. Sawako tells him that Ayane did a mean thing to master, that she said that she’s cunning and mean. Ayane blames herself. How can Ayane not care when she said that he is ‘good person’ and ‘had good memories with him’. Ayane also said that he made her feel a lot relaxed. Kent agrees when Sawako tells him that Ayane is a nice person. Kent says that it is fine to just let him be the only one who is frustrated [/at a loss]. He becomes flustered for he doesn’t have the heart to blame Ayane if she blames herself and said that he made her feel relaxed.

Kent admits that he had noticed it when they are walking together, she would always hold her bag tightly towards whichever side he is with her. She is a girl who wouldn’t notice it but probably, subconsciously, she is always guarding against. Sawako calls him, ‘master’ [again from here on] but Kent tells her that it is okay not to call him that and he didn’t expect her to be angry at him. Sawako becomes nervous and apologizes for not feeling like calling him ‘master’ at that time. Chizuru starts to comment about that is unexpected of Sawako and how timid and passive Sawako was before..then, she starts saying that it is the opposite for she’s very strong since she still greet people when she was marginalized [/pushed aside by others]. Chizuru says that she didn’t think that Sawako would have trust on Kent because look, she [Chizuru] isn’t interested in him. Surprised Kent agrees that Sawako is strong. Chizuru says that Ayane is also very amazing even if he always think of her as weak. Chizuru tells him that she likes Ayane for not admitting defeat [/perseverance] and strong point. Kent’s imposing manner [/momentum] is quite serious though she understands why he doesn’t want to separate. This made Kent mutter if it was the same as how he treated Sawako before, his view towards Ayane is prejudged, and did he become Ayane’s burden. This made Sawako tell him that she knows that he really likes Ayane and at that time, he was really worried about her [Sawako]. He isn’t a nobody to Ayane, and towards all sorts of things for each problem, she is definitely distressed at a certain extent.

Then, Kent says he is thinking why Ayane didn’t tell him about the college, why she won’t go with him to the same college, and how come she won’t like him. Ayane said that she’ll go steady with him when he asked her about it. He has already done his best to make her pay attention to him. He thought that it is okay if she doesn’t feel it immediately but from today on, there will be a day when she will. Even if she isn’t moved immediately, it was alright..he’ll always do his best to make her like him.. Meanwhile, Shouta and Ayane who were out buying some materials were caught in the rain. They took shelter and waited for the rain to stop. Ayane thanks him for telling Sawako and Chizuru. Shouta says that it isn’t him but rather, Pin. Ayane asks if Pin was angry. Shouta says that he was, and was quite impatient. He asks her if she was the one who made him angry. Ayane says yes. Shouta laughs that it is her. Ayane asks if he isn’t angry and didn’t he heard it from Sawako. She also asks if he doesn’t particularly hate someone like her. Shouta says no for she is Sawako’s friend. He mentions about Sawako immediately hanging up the phone that it makes him think that she really treasures Ayane. He tells her that if he hates her then, Sawako might hate him. Then, Ayane asks about Kent’s situation. To her surprise, Shouta tells him that Kent has been mean that he treats the other section’s girls coldly. It was also no good when he tried to talk with Kent. Ayane asks Shouta if he had guessed it and how much does he know.

Shouta asks he doesn’t know much though, Kent told him before that she is thinking of going to a university in Tokyo, and he told Kent that if he wanted to stop her, say it out. Shouta asks if Kent told her. Ayane said yes. Then, Shouta wonders if it was his fault. And, Ayane blames herself for it since she was the one who made Kent say it. Shouta tells her that it is because Kent wanted to say it so he said it so it isn’t her fault. Kent’s feelings belong to him, so Kent isn’t wrong [/at fault]. And, he [Shouta] isn’t at fault either. Ayane starts to say that she considered her brain and her being daughter as a weapon but that isn’t enough. She didn’t think of her boyfriend and her mind is focusing on the university [<- not sure on this one] when this is a guy who likes her. She doesn’t think that guaranteeing security is a bad thing nor wanting to go to college but.. She thinks of her friends who rushed to her, got angry and cried, and Pin who believe in her potential. Those people are around her so why couldn’t she believe in herself. Ayane finally admits that she wants to go to a college in Tokyo. Her luck isn’t bad. She only didn’t see it and she is always run away. Running away from the people around her. Running away from her own feelings. She wants to go and try it. Going back up after a failure. Even if she wasn’t forgiven, she still tell him her feelings. It has been happy with Kent and she felt quite relaxed but she doesn’t want to rely on someone, and she’ll face her deceitful[/cunning] self. Then, she wants to be like Ume who has a difficult to accomplish goal, Chizuru who confessed even if she’ll be rejected and Sawako who still talk with people even if she was ignored so many times. She doesn’t want to push her mistake on to someone else again. She doesn’t want to reject herself again. And, Ayane calls out to Kent and says that she got something to tell him.

Comment: Sorry for the delay since I’m slightly busy when this came out. This chapter is also long, and boring = less enthusiasm. ^^; Since we have two ‘nice’ people who cannot bring themselves to hate each other after what happened so at the long run, they’ll most probably still be friends or at least, remain cordial with each other upon realizing that things just didn’t worked out. This chapter is more like ‘prep time’ before the confrontation and heart-to-heart talk with each other. They’ll probably blame themselves a bit more over what happened then things will be okay. Ayane has some major issues about herself and I really think that she isn’t ready for a romance whether the guy is nice or not. After this incident, she’ll do a lot more reflecting and should focus on her dream to go to a Tokyo university. Basically, focus on herself more in a positive way. Then, maybe Kent would think twice about going steady with someone then hopes that she’ll fall for him later on. Actually, I think in Japan, based on shoujo manga, this kind of thing usually happens. If someone confesses, the other thinks that s/he is okay and says yes even if there is no love between them.

So I’m not sure if it a fault or not, but it does seem to be a problem if one is deeply in love to the point of making one’s life revolve around someone who doesn’t love you. In the end, it will hurt badly when rejected. It is actually a contrast between the two. Kent gives his everything to Ayane whereas, Ayane tends to keep everything to herself because she fears getting hurt and failing. I don’t know about you but I find it weird that they are talking about their love lives to the other’s friends. If I were Kent and Chizuru would say that who cares about you stuff, I don’t think I would talk more about it or even stay there to listen to them talk about Ayane being this and that. It made me realize that Kent doesn’t have any close friends. ^^; I don’t consider Shouta as his friend because of how Shouta usually treats/views Kent so for Kent to tell him about the Ayane thing, I think Kent is desperate for some advice. ^^;; Anyway, the next chapter would most probably be a lot of talk again. Ah..repeating what they told to the others today? ^^; Scans by 夜莺工作室

Quote of the day:

You can't keep blaming yourself. Just blame yourself once, and move on. ~ Dan Castellaneta