September 22, 2014

Kimi ni Todoke [Chapter 93]

As cloudy skies loom overhead, Ayane reflects on Kent asking her if she thought of him even once. She wonders that treating him as a joke, could it be that somewhere in her heart, she thought that Kent won’t get hurt because he always smiles at her. She always knew that he is serious because he always bears out his sincerity. She thinks that she’s really mean for doing such a mean and cruel thing, treating his sincerity as a joke and not daring to recognize the important thing. She wonders if she wasn’t serious.., wasn’t she serious ever since before? And, it starts to rain. She thinks that she always hasn’t been serious. Pin is just going out of a convenient store when he was startled to see a female figure drenched in the rain. After grabbing the umbrella he dropped, he exclaims if it isn’t Ayane. Ayane looks at him and wonders why right now, at this time, she’ll meet this guy. Pin asks what’s up with her, and she’ll catch a cold. No response from her. Pin tells her to quickly go home. Ayane shouts that he’s noisy to death for there are times when someone doesn’t want to stay at one’s room so don’t mind her!! She mutters again, not to mind her. Pin looks serious at her then goes back in the store. She is surprised by that, and then looks depressed.
She is surprised when Pin comes back out again. Pin uses a towel to wipe her head then puts a garbage bag on her. Ayane kept on complaining but Pin tells her that she’s noisy to death, it is enough to use this. Ayane couldn’t refute. Pin seriously asks her what’s up with her at this time-- Ayane thinks that she regrets for she shouldn’t say those things nor do those things,  from the start, she shouldn’t have accepted [Kent’s confession]. She repeatedly mutters that she made a mistake and what is she to do. She asks Pin if he never regretted. Irked Pin throws away the umbrella and grabs her shoulder. He tells her not to belittle others. Does she think that in this world, there is no one who regretted something? Pin tells her that right now, he is practicing with a group who are seriously putting all their effort to play in a competition. In order to win the competition, they continuously practice. Even if it is like that, if they don’t try, they don’t know if they’ll win or not. Even if they do it up to that degree, at the end of the competition, there are many people will have regrets even if they have thoughts of doing their best in order not to regret. People work hard to struggle. Everyone had done a lot of effort to do their best hence, they have lots of regrets. Do not confuse[/lump] them with you!
Gripping her shoulder, Pin tells her so what about making a mistake, just go and, properly regret it. Then, learn from your mistake. Pin grabs his umbrella and starts walking away. He clicks his tongue in irritation then looks sober. Later on, to Ayane’s surprise, Sawako and Chizuru call out to her. They ask her what she is doing, quickly use this umbrella and go to her [Sawako] house since it is nearby. Ayane mutters why. The two says that they were always together for the school festival when Shouta contacted Sawako that Ayane is drenched in the rain here. Chizuru asks what happened. Realizing that it was Pin who told Shouta, Ayane starts emoting why, why she is obviously mean, and didn’t she say she’s quite mean, she basically don’t have the right to accept their help like this, and they obviously can watch without doing anything. Chizuru shouts how can they just watch and not do anything. Sawako asks her what happened, and it is Ayane who is always willing, to listen attentively to what she says. Her friends decided to first bring her to Sawako’s house. In Sawako’s room, Ayane tells them that she did a mean thing to Kent for she refused him. Someone asks refused what. It took some time before Chizuru realized it. She becomes frantic and tries to clue Sawako in on it.
Then, Sawako realizes it and both girls are already nervous and frantic. Chizuru nervously says that if she thinks that it is no good, then it cannot be helped.. Ayane tells them that her brain basically doesn’t have Kent, she only has university in Tokyo in it. This surprises her friends that Sawako asks isn’t she recommended to a university in Sapporo. Ayane admits that she actually has always been only thinking of that thing. She says that Chizuru is for Ryu while Sawako is for Shouta but she never thought of Kent and herself, not even once. This made Chizuru nervous that they were going steady and not everyone is the same. Ayane says but they can imagine it. She never thought of long-distance or perhaps they’ll break up. She doesn’t have this feeling of not wanting to separate from Kent, not even once. ‘It’s hopeless’, ‘will fail’.. ‘so choose the recommendation’, ‘besides, Kent is also there’, she only thought of that and until Kent asked about it, she wouldn’t have realized it. She has always been thinking of herself so when he told her ‘don’t go’ ‘choose me’-- her body rejects it. It isn’t about his action, she rejects this person, Kent. She treated Kent’s feelings as a joke..want to laugh[/smile] in order to deal with it [/fool around to pass by it].
Chizuru asks why she gone steady with Kent. Ayane says that it is due to the situation and she couldn’t help it (it is the same as before) but unlike before, Kent is a good person. He really cherishes her, treated her seriously but she isn’t serious at all. She wonders why she didn’t explicitly refused him when obviously her heart felt that it is no good, and she felt in her heart that she cannot go steady with Kent. Ayane says that he is a good person and she hurt him. If she didn’t go steady with him, he wouldn’t have encountered this kind of thing. Chizuru shouts for Ayane to get a grip of herself. For Ayane to say hurt something-whatever, that way of thinking makes her [Chizuru] feel uncomfortable and could it be that when Ayane went steady with Kent, it isn’t happy and it was Kent who wanted to go steady with her. For her to say it would be good if they didn’t go steady, isn’t that more mean, and also could it be for her [Ayane], there is no good thing about going steady with Kent. Ayane exclaims that there is, [but] because she’s very cunning, very mean, always like this, she would pretend, immediately run away, and only think of not getting hurt. Cannot help but like [/love someone], whole day thinking of another person, this kind of feeling, she never had it. She is totally different from the two of them. She isn’t a bit nice. She’s very fickle, very cunning, very mean. She only wanted to experience it that’s all..for she doesn’t know the feeling of liking someone.
Recalling Kent telling her that he likes her like that, Ayane thinks that she hates this kind of her, hates so much. Ayane is surprised when Chizuru asks what about them, don’t she like [them]? After a pause, Ayane says of course, she likes..for who else would be like them. Chizuru exclaims that didn’t she know the feeling of like [/love]. Ayane says that it isn’t [romantic] love. Chizuru exclaims that even if it isn’t love, it is the same. She always cherish and regard Ayane. Chizuru asks if Ayane is this weak, don’t act cute when obviously she had challenged her to an arm wrestle. Sawako reminded Ayane that she told her ‘Sawako is the same as everyone’ ‘there’s nothing different’. Sawako tells her that when she said ‘want to be your friend’, compared to herself, wasn’t Ayane more concerned of her [Sawako] getting hurt or not. She had blended with the others, and was able to go steady with Shouta. Ayane had smiled and told her ‘that’s great’. Ayane had asked her ‘did you make friends?’, and said ‘you can do it’. Obviously it is about someone else’s but she would put herself in other’s shoes for sadness or for happiness, Ayane would always do that. Starting to cry, Sawako says that she got so many things from Ayane so don’t say that, because Ayane is absolutely not a fickle person, and she shouldn’t think that she is a cruel person. While Ayane wipes her tears, Chizuru asks Ayane if she felt apologetic. How come she feels apologetic? If she felt that her feelings weren’t sincere at all, then apologize to Kent. No matter what form it is, she can only seriously go and face Kent, right. Ayane recalls Pin telling her to regret then learn from it.
Comment: Well, Ayane pretty much confirms that she doesn’t have any single romantic feeling/thoughts for Kent. The relationship went for so long because she didn’t realize it until Kent mention it. So, if Kent didn’t mention it, she would probably still be playing ‘lovers’ with him until what/when..? Kent has already realized it earlier on but I guess, he is blinded by love and in self-denial until he pretty much reached his limit. Even if we can say that Kent ought to get what he deserve for going steady with someone who has no feelings for him, Ayane did say yes to him. I guess the thing is, Kent never expected Ayane would not be serious or even, try to like him. She is just staying with him with hopes that she’ll also experience the romantic feelings that her friends have, or at least, feel what it is like to date a ‘good person’. Of course, since they are in already third year, she is focusing on that university in Tokyo so her true feelings became more apparent. That probably caused Kent to finally realize her true feelings that he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

I do wonder how she is going to apologize to him for not treating him seriously. I really hope she doesn’t repeat all the stuff she said here to him. That would really hurt. I don’t think that most people would want to hear someone whom one really love to say something this: ah, actually, you’re right, I never love you..heck, nor really thought of you even once especially now that I want study elsewhere...all this time from the time we went steady. I went steady with you because I just cannot help it then..I got carried away, but I had some happy times, thanks, and sorry. Hehe, how’s that? =P Aside from how, I’m curious of the when. Should the apology be now, or later on? Right now, it ought to still hurt so maybe an apology later on is more suitable? Or better leave such things unsaid? What do you think? Well, I guess it all depends how Kent is taking this. He might be okay with it since well, he’s a ‘nice guy’. Anyway, Pin doesn’t seem to have patience with emo people. ^^; He said what he had to say and leave the rest to her friends. What he said did have its impact. Because, after the friend pep talk session, what he said lingered in her mind. Hehe, actually, most of what he said tends to linger on her mind =P Scans by 工作室

Quote of the day:
It is important that we forgive ourselves for making mistakes. We need to learn from our errors and move on. ~ Steve Maraboli, Life, the Truth, and Being Free

27 comments:

  1. Thanks for the summary!

    I've been shipping Pin x Ayane for so long I don't know what to feel! >< I love Kent, but I love Pin more D:

    Yuki~

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    1. Thanks for reading ^-^

      Hehe, I see ^^

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    2. Yeah, I've always adored Pin and liked how she is interested in what he says all the time. He always seems more concerned about her future than he does with the other kids in this series.

      Yet her heart is set on Tokyo it seems. Deep down I hope she'd scrap going to Tokyo and become a teacher's wife, haha. If I can't have that wish, I hope she comes back someday and they end up together. She is smart enough to be the principal at the school he teaches at hehe. A new series of a determined Principal Ayane chasing the clueless Pin.

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    3. True..though I think he is concerned with all of them. He likes to tease Shouta. I think he seems to help out Sawako before.

      Tokyo it is, and if it is Pin, yup. Maybe..if I recall correctly, she plans to go abroad that is why that school is her stepping stone. Not sure about that, I tend to think that Pin is sharp ^^

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    4. Hmm...true, Kat..Pin is actually a sharp Pin...it makes me wonder about his kind of annoyed look in this chapter. Maybe he knows Ayane has developed an interest in him and so he kept an emotional distance from her there and just contacted her friends to help her. His frustrated look confused me in this chapter, but I think I get it now...he was being careful getting too close to her. I used to think he was kind of a dense jock, but after all the wise, spot-on advice he's given, that's not true!

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    5. Oh yeah, and your reminder about her plans to go abroad..Pin doesn't fit into that easily. Bummer. Part of me wished to see them together. Maybe in an epilogue...

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    6. Yup, it turns out that Pin is like that. Looks and his silly actions before can be deceiving. ^^

      Ya..if ever, maybe in the epilogue.

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  2. Thank you so much for the summary :)! I was especially curious about the girl's conversation.
    I am so glad that Ayane finally admitted that she has no feelings for Kent since their moments always felt so forced. Not to mention, she never seemed like herself around Kent. Hopefully she will apologize to him gently though.
    She really does seem to cherish Pin's words...maybe she will realize she has feelings for him? (Doubt that will happen any time soon -ͺ-')

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    1. Thanks for reading, anyusha ^-^

      Yup.

      True..maybe..though it might be possible that he is somewhat of a 'mentor' who says the 'right things'?

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    2. That could definitely be a possibility (never thought of it that way)! It seems though that the author has made so many hints since their first encounter that something will happen between these two. Can't see them ending up a couple when Ayane is in school, but perhaps in a epilogue chapter :).

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    3. I know..before, I always thought that they would be paired up, anyusha. Then, this and that happened. ^^;;

      Ya..most probably like that..if the mangaka wants them together.

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  3. Very cool, thanks a lot!!

    And yeah, I agree with you, I think Kent has realized that Ayane wasn't as fully vested in the relationship...that no matter what she said, and even if she didn't realize it herself, it was really just lip-service or "acting" on her part.......but his feelings made that acceptable and just something he could (hopefully) improve on. The whole choosing schools thing has made the situation finally come to a head and create a situation that forced Ayane to face up to or actually admit to her true lack of feelings for him.

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    1. You're welcome, svines85 ^-^

      Indeed.

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  4. I'm very happy this chapter turned out like this because Ayane is a very complex character and no matter how many people (shina included) tried to make Kent a villain (throwing her on the bed or being too clingy or whatever) the fact that Ayane wasn't nice to him even once made me so uncomfortable. She owed him nothing from the start but the moment they started a relationship, her treatment of him was so poor, like, I'm so glad she said "maybe because he was always smiling I thought I couldn't hurt him" because that's the feeling you get from it. I don't know where Kent's character will grow from now - if he will even remain there - but the more I read, the less I can ship Ayane with Pin. Not because I dislike Ayane or the couple, but because I see her as a way more complex than a romantic subplot. If PinxAyane happens, it should be i the epilogue, after she has seen the word and done everything she wants to do. Her obsession with romantic love should be proven wrong, like Chizu says, you can love us, so you're good, you're valid. That message alone is so important. The whole Kent arc was horrible for me Ayane-wise, there were so many times in which she was just cruel? And I understand a lot of people didn't like Kent from his first appearances and acts but he grew out to be caring and sweet and genuinely worried about her and while that didn't mean she should love him, it DID mean that he should be treated with some respect, right? In an ideal world, for me, Ayane would be a lesbian or even assexual, but given as this is a shoujo, the ideal scenario for me would be her being with Pin but only ages in the future. Pin's and Chizu's speech were the best parts, Pin mostly because he really has no patience for how "mature and deep" Ayane sees herself as when, in fact, it becomes more and more obvious that she's just scared to make decisions and hurt people in the process of taking a stand. Overall, very intense chapter. Hoping the next one will focus on something else other than the break up or it will be very tense and sad and omg, I hope they don't ruin Kent's character after the break up.

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    1. True..thatu. I agree, and yes, maybe, later on with Pin?

      Hehe, that also occurred to me, about Ayane's possible sexual orientation.

      Yup..actually, it successfully made me not like her anymore ^^;

      Indeed, those speeches are pretty good.

      Well, if it is the break up, it will be intense and depressing. I don't know..maybe Kent would just disappear for a while from the series like Ume did earlier.

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  5. Thanks for the summary, Kat.

    I wish I could have spared Ayane this misery. I never thought it a good idea to date someone who you do not have romantic feelings for. I don't see why she and Kento could not have simply been friends and see where their friendship took them. I believe Ayane made a terrible mistake and now she has to face the consequences, which is a good thing. However, while it is true that she should not have accepted Kento's feelings, I honestly believe it was not her intention to disrespect his feelings. In a situation like hers, I can honestly see her suffering from confusion and contradictions especially where her heart and head are concerned. She kept telling herself that she wants to treasure Kento but her feelings did not align with her wishes. The whole situation is horrible. Still, I hope she'll have the courage to face this situation and end the relationship. Yes, I said end it. She or Kento needs to end this. It doesn't make any sense to drag this out. Ayane needs time alone to figure out her future and sort out her feelings, regrets, lessons, etc from this experience.

    All that said, I would still like her to find love in the distant future with the right person at the right time.

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    1. Thanks for reading, Taylor_E ^-^

      Yup, it is always a bad idea. Of course, I tend to think that it hurts much more for the one who is in love during that time.

      Indeed..though from that point, I thought it is already considered that the relationship is over because she pretty much verified to him his suspicions. Is it necessary for her to tell/confirm verbally to him the reason that they are breaking up?

      That's right ^^

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    2. Yes, it indeed hurts more for the person who is in love. However, when I think about "feelings" I can also understand Ayane's side of it. Feelings are complicated. I am a Christian and I can honestly say it is hard for me to love people who are hard to love because my feelings rebel against it but love is also about my act of kindness towards them and my will to love them even if my feelings don't align with either of those. That's why I find myself understanding Ayane's situation where you can't really force your feelings to be "right" even when you feel bad about or regret the way you feel. They are what they are until something changes.

      In Ayane's case, she kept telling herself that she wants to treasure Kento but her feelings towards him weren't growing at all. I personally think that in this chapter Ayane is taking the most pessimistic view of her relationship with Kento. The fact that she made him Valentine's Day chocolate, bought him a birthday gift, etc at least shows that she was trying to reciprocate his affection. I know she's a person that goes with the flow, but I really do think that she was trying to make an effort even if that effort did not live up, comparatively, to Kento's own show of affection.

      Yes, I think she has to apologize to Kento. She shouldn't get to take the easy way out. Sure, it will be unpleasant for the both of them but things should be ended properly. They are also in the same class so leaving things unsaid would be very comfortable for both.

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    3. I understand that part, Taylor_E. True, as a Christian, it is indeed hard to do that.

      True, she tried though maybe she is just doing 'what she has to do' being in a relationship. And, I guess I cannot blame her for apparently she is oblivious of the fact until Kent mentioned it to her that she really doesn't have feelings for him. Though in some way, she seems to know deep down. Well, she's young and even if she doesn't want to, she had made a mistake.

      Oh ya..they are in the same class. True, there should be some sort of closure. Though I don't think it would be comfortable anytime soon even with an apology. I guess it also depends on Kent. Ordinarily, I think it takes time for wounds to heal since I think their relationship had been for a few months already and he was even thinking of marriage.

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  6. wishywashy people are so bad and annoying.

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    1. Hehe..I don't usually mind though if people starting to get hurt because of it..

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  7. It surely wasn't a good idea to start dating Kent without being in love with him, but I think it's unfair to put all the blame on Ayane in this disaster, because yeah, she didn't love him, but Kent was fully aware of that. They started dating in the hope that Ayane would eventually fall in love with him, Kent knew that very well and yet all he did was rushing things. I mean, he even talked of marriage, MARRIAGE!! How coud he talk about that without even considering Ayane's feelings? In what moment did he think that Ayane was already in love with him? Ayane didn't think about Kent when thinking of going to Tokyo, but Kent didn't considered her feelings either in their relationship. That's why I think it's unfair to victimize Kent when they're both to blame here.

    Thank you so much Kat for bringing us the summary so fast! ^^

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    1. Yup, Ayane cannot have all the blame though there are some instances when I think it should have ended earlier and not at that point.

      True, he's talking about marriage. Aside from rushing it, I think the guy is so much in love to think about it. He seems that way to me..overly emotional. I don't know about Ayane, but for me, I think if a guy start talking about marriage, it is a red flag that the guy is super serious and I would start thinking if I would want to marry the guy or even continue the relationship at that point if I only have so-so/no feelings for him. I mean, not to give false hopes.

      That scene was cut..so we never knew what her reaction is. Of course, it is also a red flag if she didn't react or there is no positive reaction to it. Well, ideally, it should take two to make a relationship work. ^^ True, he didn't consider her feelings and it seems like he is in denial over it..for there are no feelings for him at all. ^^; In a way, now that I think of it, Kent does seem to come out as desperate...mentioning marriage and future stuff with hopes that she'll go along with it in some way even as his suspicions are becoming apparent. And, he stubbornly cling on.

      Thanks for reading ^-^

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  8. Thanks!!!! owww you always save me from anxiety for KnT :3... Well I think Kent 's fault, he should not start a relationship with someone who did not like him, but sometimes when someone is in love, makes nonsense things ....

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    1. Thanks for reading ^-^

      That's right ^^ And, from what she said, it seems that she was moved at that time, to also say yes..

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  9. I'm so glad they made Ayane/Kent more realistic. I thought it was forced all along and I'm glad it wasn't the mangaka being lazy.

    I really hope we have Ayane x Pin, at least in the epilogue, rain scene come on! but I'm glad these characters value their future so much.

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    1. Is that so, Ivuki.

      Ya ^^ And, they should.

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